Why January Kickstarted A Great Year
Last year I was so hard on myself. 2019 was a year filled with many ups (but mostly downs) of me trying to understand my health and digestion.
For most of the year, I felt crappy. Always having issues with my gut- eventually feel like you’re going to feel this way forever. I was stuck in the mindset that I wanted quick answers and a quick fix, but knowing I wanted to heal my body naturally, I knew it would take time and patience.
I started off the year on a high note- traveling to Malaysia and having the time of my life. Living without worry eases the gut (duh, no stress) and with food prepared so differently there, I hardly ever had any issues with my gut. It was amazing.
But coming back and not having consistency in my schedule and the supplements I was taking, everything was just thrown off.
In June, I went in for an endoscopy where they found Candida and terrible gastrointestinal acid reflux. They put me on antibiotics- which I cried over. I was so upset and everyone thought I was crazy. I knew it could be so much worse, but as someone who was already having all the problems with her gut, the last thing I wanted was antibiotics to go and fuck that up. Which it did. It took me a few steps back, but I wanted equilibrium in my system.
Issues with my gut shot down my mental health and allowed eating disorder thoughts to creep back in. It’s so true when they say your gut affects your entire mood. I was hating on myself so much and critical of every little thing. If I wanted to go out drinking with my friends or enjoy ice cream on a hot summer night- I would just remind myself how those things would be a set back in getting my gut health in order. I struggled to enjoy life and my eating disorder kept reminding me how easy it was to just restrict, then you’ll feel nothing. But I know that’s worse.
My stomach was bloated 24/7 and it skewed my body image, and I was just never in the mood to give myself a compliment or fight for myself.
By the end of 2019, I was exhausted. Exhausted for pushing myself to be 100%, exhausted of being critical of myself, and exhausted of letting this control my life.
So, I decided that for 2020 I would stop trying. I would just do what I know how to do best: nourish my body. Allowing my body to eat whole, nutritious, colorful foods from the earth in abundance and just live my life. Sure, I definitely still have days where my gut issues are terrible but instead of looking at the big picture and getting myself down about it- I think to myself: what can I do in this moment to feel better? What’s the best I can do for my gut and health right now? Then fixing the issue and moving on- not thinking about tomorrow or the next day, because I know I’ll wake up feeling completely different. Drink plenty of water.
And if I didn’t feel better? So what! You feel crappy today but that doesn't need to take away the value of the day and precious moments.
I needed to forgive myself and let myself have the time to heal. Time changes everything and looking back on last year, wow what a shitshow.
January allowed me to focus on consistency and nourishment. I told myself I would have resolution: drink more water. I didn’t want to create rules or numbers around it, just plain and simply drink more water and each day do better than the next and be consistent. Wow- I have seen immense changes in my hydration!
So if you’re going through a terrible health rut and know you haven’t been feeling good at all- give yourself patience and kindness. Ask yourself what you need in that moment and tell yourself healing is not linear. Being kind to your soul and body is also medicine! There’s no room for hate in 2020, just healing and love.