Raw & Real Talk- Moving Update
First things first, sometimes the best snacks are the simplest snacks! Banana and peanut butter on toast- happiness all in one!
Man moving to Chicago has kicked my ass so far. My new job has me on night shift and it’s definitely a change. Going into it, I knew it would be difficult but until you experience it you just don’t realize all of the changes your body goes through. My hunger cues are off, I’m extremely fatigued, and find it really difficult to move my body.
The biggest change for my body is the hunger cues and eating habits. During quarantine, I got into an amazing routine that was optimal for my digestive health. I finally was starting to feel amazing with regular bowel movements, exercise, rest, intuitive eating, etc. I knew that moving and starting a new job was going to change that and that I would just have to trust my body for a while and give it extra rest, kindness and fuel.
So far, I’ve been hungry like 24/7. So even if it feels weird or unnatural to eat at certain times or knowing I just ate, I just have to lean into it. Recognizing whether my body is actually hungry or just needs water has been important too. Making sure that I’m getting all my vitamins and minerals and drinking plenty of water will set me up for success in putting my body through this massive change. I have to push aside the inevitable negative self-talk that comes with it. The fact that I won’t be/am not exercising as much, will possibly gain weight, throw off my hormones a bit, disrupt my digestion are all things I need to trust will eventually work themselves out and things that are all natural and normal. In the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter. Of course I’m going to do everything I can to maintain my health, but if my body changes along the way- who cares. My worth and work ethic won’t be defined by that. It only matters that I’m present for my job, friends, family and myself. Happiness and mental health comes first. Change inevitably brings weight fluctuations and it takes time for your body to adjust.
I always say listen to your body and trust your gut so I’m really trying to practice what I preach. Even though I always talk about intuitive eating, listening to your body, etc. it’s still something I have to work at. It still doesn’t come naturally and I don’t want to come off as someone who has their body all figured out. There’s always learning and adjustments and discovery.
Also, I’ve been experiencing extreme self-doubt. I knew in my gut that taking this new job was what I had to do in order to do what I’m passionate about, but ever since I got here I just miss home and my old routine so much. I think I expected everything to click right away and to fall back into old habits from when I used to live here- basically pick up where I left off. But the thing is, I’m not the same person nor am I working the same job or living in the same apartment. Nothing's the same so I shouldn’t expect my life to be the same. I’ve been confused, scared, overwhelmed, anxious- wondering if I made the right decision for myself and scared I’ll fail. I have to let that fear carry me forward. It’s a really hard feeling to lean into and all I want to do is run away from it and take the easy way out. But day by day. I’ve got this. You’ve got this.
Reflecting on this past month is hard. I was so ready to just naturally step into things. I was so naive. These past two years living in Michigan, I really had it made. I had a great job and my family, but I knew if I wanted to pursue my passions and propel my career, I had to leave and take a leap of faith. Plus, everyone has to leave the house at some point, right? When reflecting, I started to beat myself up over not having enough time to myself and doing things that were important to me like exercise, cook, bake, and study. But that was quarantine when we had all the free time in the world and something so unnatural and only happens when we’re in a pandemic, so realistically I can’t beat myself down for that. It was great while it lasted, but it was time to get back to real life.
I truly just need to have trust in the process and have trust in myself. I truly need to live in the present, because I always look back and think, “man, what a great time that was and I really took it for granted.” My mental health really took a hit this month, but I’m ready to bounce back and not allow it to let me take steps back.
Forward and onward. Hang in there.